The second member of the Entourage gets her song this month. Like George, Sarah gets a custom song written just for her. This one’s about her somewhat insane husband. I think I’ll let her describe this one…

Geeks come in many different types. As it happens I’m a gamer. My husband is also a geek but he belongs to a much more ‘dangerous’ class. His particular subset of geek revolves around liking to know how things work, and he is also particularly fond of things that go boom, bang etc. Fixing things and taking things apart, even destructively, is therefore normal behaviour…

The song I’m looking for could therefore be best described as “the joys/perils of living with a geek”.

As well as the usual sorts of technology you’ll find round any geek, this house boasts (amongst other things) a scale model trebuchet in the garage (it throws golf balls or similar sized objects), a wastepaper basket filled with arrows in the living room… My husband has a flamethrower which basically consists of a metal pipe which you screw a bottle of butane onto. He uses it for killing the weeds on the drive.

Wow. Well, if I ever visit, I’m bringing a flak jacket. In the mean time, I hope they enjoy this tune! I didn’t so much write it as a cautionary tale (I’ve already done that once or twice), but more as a fictional plea from said wife to said husband. Rather than spend time (and endanger lives) with the toys, why not get to know how your loved one works instead?

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Take Me Apart – 4.9MB MP3
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Photo by donjd2

Lyrics:

Take me apart
and see what makes me tick.
Take me apart,
throw me up against a wall and see what sticks.
And when you put me back together again
I’ll be better than I’ve been.

Am I your favorite project or am I just a toy?
I look around at the strange, strange tools you employ.
Between the trebuchet and rocket-powered Chevrolet
I hope you’ve got some time today to play
with me.
Oh boy.

Take me apart
and see what makes me tick.
Take me apart,
break it down and get to work ’cause you’re my fix.
And when you put me back together again
I’ll be better than I’ve been.

You know Adam and Jamie wouldn’t do what you do.
Sure they’re all kinds of crazy, but they wear helmets too.
And just like DMB I wish that you’d crash into me,
I made a pot of sanity and tea.
Just tea
for two.

Take me apart
and see what makes me tick.
Take me apart,
baby give me all you’ve got ’cause damn we click.
And when you put me back together again
I’ll be better than I’ve been.

Download audio file (An%20Ordinary%20Guy.mp3)
An Ordinary Guy – 5.5MB MP3
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Lyrics:

So here’s a glimpse of my perception:
I think you’re way above my station,
but I can’t shake my intention
to make a shameless proposition.
But if I try to take some action
I just might meet your satisfaction
which could lead to some affection
which might lead to an erection

of some new substantial section
of my segmented attention.
So I feel that I should mention
I’m ’bout due for some expansion.
So I’ll try to find some passion,
but my software keeps on crashin’.
I lock up fast and then I’m
staring at your ass and I…

I’m just an ordinary guy-
I pay my bills on time.
I take my pills with wine.
I’m just an ordinary guy-
Recycle all my trash.
I got my secret stash
of pornos, grass, and cash.
I’m just an ordinary guy.

I see you in the corner texting.
I hope my words don’t come out vexing,
and this may sound a bit perplexing:
The way you hold that phone is sexy.
I might have overstepped my boundary,
but I swear you’ll be glad you found me.
I sound astounded ’cause you seem chic,
and yet you might just be my dream geek.

So how ’bout this, we meet at your place?
‘Cause mine’s running out of floor space.
My Roomba seems to have been misplaced
and now it’s uglier than MySpace
in my apartment, but that’s all right.
We could just stay up ’til daylight.
We’ll grab a bite and then I’ll
Twitter you all night ’cause I…

I’m just an ordinary guy-
I love my cat and dog.
I love it when I’m flogged.
I’m just an ordinary guy-
I watch football with my friends.
I got Church I don’t attend.
I steal the restaurant’s pen.
I’m just an ordinary guy.

(Instrumental)

Well I’m just an ordinary guy-
I catch the morning train.
I curse to ease the pain.
Recycle all my trash.
I watch Dancing With The Stars.
I hate going to bars
and I own an ugly car.
I’m just an ordinary guy.

I always sucked at math.
I hate The Grapes of Wrath.
I’m not a psychopath.
I’m just an ordinary guy.
I get sick when I fly.
I won’t admit I cry,
and I’ll love you ’til I die.
I’m just an ordinary guy.